The flakes of white that occasionally fall from the sky, excite children and dogs a like. With a snowy muzzle and double fur coat, this Labrador is ready for a long play session in the 6-inch fricken snow.
Just look at this magnificent beast.
Every time a smile grows on your face, your skin grows a little bit wiser. A little bit older. A little bit fuller of life. When your eyebrow raises up, you gain another answer, another thought. And your skin gets a little bit wiser. A little bit older. A little bit fuller of life. Every freckle and every mole a mark of life, every scab and every scar. The little bits of cellulite and stretch marks. An indicator of what you’ve given me. My life. Every grey hair you gain, another display of every stressful moment you’ve been through, that you’ve survived. Another year another couple of silver hairs to admire. Just a little bit wiser. A little bit older. A little bit fuller of life.
Thank you for your love Mutuhemreh (Mother)
I wish everyone a lovely World Hijab Day,a day in which people all over the world try to understand and experience what it is like to cover up for a day. If you are participating in World hijab day, remember that if you are a non-Muslim, or a woman that does not practice veiling, you will never be able to experience what it is like to worry about how people will judge you everyday. Use your experience this day to learn and appreciate the veiled women in the world. Learn and remember the women that have lost their lives or their faith to cover due to anti-Muslim violence in Myanmar, France, Germany, The US, and Central Africa. Stand against terrorist groups that take the choice away from a woman to veil. To cover is your own personal choice with god and no one should be able to take that away from you.
Understand that a veiled woman can work, be a mother, be a wife, be independent, be successful, be intelligent, and be ambitious. Judge what is not on someone’s head, but in someones mind.
Stand up not only for women who wear Hijab, but Niqab and Burqa as well. Stand up for muslim men that wear traditional clothing such as thobes and Kuffis/taqiyah’s. Support Sikh men and women that are criminalized and mistaken for Muslims and therefore profiled and hated, who wear the turban/pagh.
Stand up for the people who veil, and educate yourself to understand and fight for them.
Happy World Hijab Day.
Chapter Four: Complete Surrender
“Where are you going?” Laci asked as I began running after Kristen. I just acted as if I didn’t hear her at all. Kristen didn’t pay attention to me as I caught up to her. I stared at her some more, walking beside her. Laci just stood in place shaking her head and waiting for me to come back. I wasn’t coming back. “Kristen, please talk to me.” I said over and over again. It’s almost as if I was completely invisible to her. I began to feel frustrated and stopped Kristen by walking in front of her and holding her in place. “Screw off!” She shouted at me. Ah, there’s the Kristen I know and love. “Kristen, look at me.” She didn’t of course. “LOOK AT ME.” I demanded even louder. She was trying to get away from me, I wouldn’t let her. “Kristen please look at me.” I said desperately. There was about a five second period of silence of me just staring at Kristen before her head turned up and I saw her eyes. The usual blue of her eyes was darkened and they were dry and puffy. “Get away please.” She said immediately after looking at me. “I don’t deserve anything.” She added before running away, her shoes squeaking against the floor. Don’t deserve what? Ugh. This world is so confusing. Every single time someone says something it’s another puzzle to solve. Before I could continue chasing after her, Laci grabbed me and pulled me away. She dragged me over to a corner and like an upset parent, gave me a talk. “What were you thinking?!” She shouted at me. I didn’t really feel like explaining. “School’s over today, Anna.” “Go home and think.” Laci said. And before I could come up with some sort of response, she walked away. Disappearing out of my sight. Thank goodness that the hoard of teenagers were so on-top of their schedule so that I didn’t miss the bus at all, since they all immediately ran towards the boarding area immediately after Laci stopped talking to me. So nice of them. I sat in the back as I did last time, and waited for the depressing 17 minute drive home. Yes. I counted the minutes. What else was I supposed to do? Think? That’s what Laci wanted, and I’m a rebel who would rather not get lost in her extremely saddening thoughts about life. Screw that.
The next day was the same. The only difference was that I didn’t wake up in the shower, thank goodness. Even though this is going to be just my second day, I’ve already come to be familiar with some of the different groups of people in this school, cliques or whatever. It’s mostly the extremely stereotypical ones like jocks and nerds and what not. Then there are the extremely offensive ones that I’m fairly afraid to even mention. But there are the sort of normal ones, you know, the hipsters, The G&E’s (Goths and Emo’s as well as scenes, sadly they aren’t included in the acronym) the overly popular people, sporty people, all that stuff. But for one more time in my life, I wasn’t part of any of these groups. Just a little weirdo that fakes where she ‘belongs.’ I decided to try and blend in with Laci by dressing as a scene kid. I looked in our garage and there was conveniently some really…really old hair chalks there. I straightened my hair, and then slowly tried to apply the crumbling hair chalk, most likely bought some time in the 90’s. After I had a few strands of pink hair, I stole a gel eyeliner from my mom’s make up bag and tried my best to make an overly applied cat eye. “Dear God.” I muttered to myself as I looked at the atrocity that was my face with amateur applied eyeliner. There was no time to wash it off and do it again, so I just had to deal with it. Maybe Laci will have some sort of fix. I looked in my closet for some black clothes to mix with overly bright colors. I had a black tank top, and some old galaxy leggings with holes in them that I probably stole from my sister. There was also, somehow through the mostly Kristin-approved clothing, a poofy blue skirt I think I wore at a dance party when I was 13 or something. Ugh. As I struggled to pull the tiny skirt over my now larger nearly adult booty, I kept thinking in my head, “Why. Why, why? Just why.” Like, why was I doing this, why do I even bother going to this stupid school? Oh right, I’m in an alternate universe that I’m going to save with my amazing powers. I run as fast as I can out of the house as to not catch the eye of my mother or sister, and hop onto the bus that now just nicely parks outside the house for me. Laci isn’t there, so like yesterday I sit in the back and sort of fall asleep for the what, 17 minute something drive to school? I don’t really care to count today. As the bus came to a stop and the exhaust screeched, the zombie teenagers slowly hopped out and all organized into their groups. I was sort of stuck between this hipster dude and really short Goth girl. It was kind of awkward since my height compared to the Goth girl was perfect for elbowing her boobs. Eventually though I was able to escape the two of them and stride out to the lovely Tribuo academy all of my own. By myself. Without Laci. Crap. I couldn’t see her anywhere. I uncomfortably entered the front doors of school and tried to find my way to my locker. As I’m trying to remember my password, frantically twisting the dial, I feel a hot breath down my neck. “Hello Anna.” I struggle to turn around as I am simultaneously jumping out of my skin whilst trying to do so. As I completed my 360 degree turn, I saw the wide-eyed Laci Peterson staring down at me. “…Hi…” I said trying to escape the trapped feeling of being pinned by sassy scene kid Laci to a locker. “I understand why you might’ve approached Kristen yesterday, but I do not appreciate it, Anna.” Laci spoke to me like an angry but professional teacher giving me a lecture about a crappy paper. Before I can utter any kind of reply, Laci keeps talking, determined to keep me pinned to the lockers behind me. “You can’t help everyone in this world, some people just don’t deserve the things that others do, Anna, you need to remember that.” “Laci…What are you-.” Why am I even trying to contribute to my own lecture? “Some just don’t learn immediately, you shouldn’t help them.” Laci looks up and down finally releasing me from the lockers. I slowly walk over to the other side of the wall, trying to think of a response. Some people just don’t deserve things? I hate this place. I’m not a smart person, I’m a sexually ambiguous Olympic sleeper that has an IQ of -40. I don’t understand this deep meaningful BS that Laci spews at me every ten seconds. Seriously. I just sort of stand there for a few more seconds before finally coming up with something to say. Or to ask really. I pause for a few more moments before I look dead straight into Laci’s eyes and asked, “Laci how do I get out of here?” My voice was plain, but desperate. I don’t like it here. Actually, I hate it here. It’s my 2nd day and I already want to drop out. Laci looks at me and shakes her head. “Anna, you have to graduate obviously.” “You have to learn, become you, find yourself, find what you want to be and become that, have fun and live your short youth to the fullest.” Laci stares back at me as I grit my teeth and mutter, “That is tremendously stupid.” “Hm. Seems like something a teenager would say.” Laci laughed a bit, and I just smiled in a passive-aggressive manner. “I know Anna, you don’t want to be a teenager, you don’t want your emotional problems blamed on the ravaging hormones inside of you, but I’m just like you, another teenager that can’t do anything about anything so I might as well just agree to say that you’re just another teenager Anna. Just another person with another problem that you can’t solve.” “I know what you want Anna.” “You want to be skinnier, taller, stronger, smarter, and
mainly, not to be viewed in society’s eyes as just another teenager.” “You must be so excited for that, huh?” Laci just stands there, after her little rant about how she obviously knows everything about me and all my wants and desires and after knowing me for a day and a half she knows all. Though she is kind of right. I hate being my age because of others that are my age. I’m not calling myself above everyone else, cause I’m not. I’m pretty lame actually. But I just don’t enjoy being associated with the normal teenager and the expectations that come with that and the degrading of my feelings to ‘just being hormonal’ and sometimes I just want to hide everything from everyone because I hate just being called another teenager, another person with a problem that can’t be fixed. Even though that’s exactly what I am. I can’t fix my problem because my problem is my family. My ‘friends’ my school my country my everything, everything is my problem that I can’t fix because I’m just another teenager. I don’t want to say anything to Laci anymore. I don’t want to even run away to a class. Who cares about those so called ‘classes’ anyway? They’re not actually real. I’m just in this weird universe and soon enough I can go back. Soon. I start running away from Laci, and she doesn’t move an inch. She just watches me as I run, completely plain faced and emotionless. As I run the hallways don’t seem to end. I keep going further and further but the halls just get longer and longer. My vision’s blurred and I can feel myself on the verge of tears. God I’m so pathetic. Just another person with a problem that can’t be fixed. I slow down a bit as I see a blur of dark blonde hair flush past me. It’s Kristen. She’s also crying. Bundled up in her baggy sweater, running away just like me. Running away from everything. From our problems that we can’t fix. My heart hammers in my chest as I grab Kristen’s hand and we’re both running together. We suddenly take a sharp left turn into another endless hallway and I see other people with problems they can’t fix. Noelle, Trinity, and…Sasha? What is Sasha doing here? Sasha doesn’t say anything, well frankly none of us are saying anything, just running, and looking at one another in determination. “Run, keep going, wherever it is, just keep running.” My conscious says to me, and I of course listen. “I DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING!” Kristen screams so loudly I attempt to cover my ears but can’t loosen my grip on her hand. “We don’t deserve anything Anna, let’s go, we need to go.” Kristen pleads as we slow down, which allows us to be left behind by Sasha, Noelle, and Trinity. I can’t feel anything anymore. The world is going blank. My heart is beating so fast and I find it difficult to catch my breath. I fall onto my knees, Kristen does as well. I look up to the ceiling and stare as my pulse tries to burst out of me. I take a deep breath in, and tighten my grip on Kristen’s hand. Maybe I can leave like this. Maybe they will let me go.
I surrender. I’m done. I don’t like this anymore. I completely surrender.
There you go problems I can’t fix and Laci and everything else.
Here is my complete surrender from me to you. I’m done.
(c)2015 Theworldofmywriting. Please do not under any circumstance steal this work or claim it as your own.
She stared at me. What was she thinking? Did I look weird? Do I have something stuck in my teeth? What is running through her mind when she looks at me…
Is she – horrified? Impressed? Intrigued?
Oh God, other people are looking too I bet. They’re probably all thinking about how weird that pimple on my chin is, it seriously looks like a nipple.
I’m scared now. Why am I so scared? Why am I so afraid that they will care?
I never used to be like this.
How could a stare, a simple few eye movements towards me mean anything…anything negative really. Cause that’s all I really care about right? Only the bad things. Only the judgment. Only the criticism.
Why can’t I just go out and think the happy things? The good things about other people and about myself.
I don’t want to just look at another woman in heels and a tight dress and think, “Ugh slut”
I want to notice her curves, her confidence, her walk, her hair and how long that must have taken to do…
I don’t want to look in the mirror and think, “Ugly.” I want to notice my eyes, my awesome hair and well – that I can be pretty cool sometimes.
I want to be different, but how do I…
So many questions, no answers, and just some lady glaring at me a few feet from me.
I suppose the real question is…
Why should I care?
-In Society’s Eyes
(c)2015 Theworldofmywriting. Please don’t copy or claim any of this work as your own.
I’ve spent hours every single day, sitting at my desk, or on my floor, or anywhere really in the world. Writing, sketching, thinking and believing. To make all the hundreds of thousands of things I hold dear. My worlds, my characters, my made up places. My entity’s, my religions, my alphabets, my languages. My families, my cultures, my relationships. My powers, my cities, my journeys, my creations.
I was in the shower. Just laying there. I woke up to the yelling of my mother for me to get out. I felt tired. Exhausted seems like a better word. I stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around myself and walked out of the bathroom. “First day of school today, don’t want to be late.” My mom said, closing the bathroom door as she entered. First day. First day? Okay…I went to my room to get some clothes. Ah. I know what’s going on. Whatever happened before I entered this alternate universe has sent me here on a mission to save the world. Okay. I get that. I’m a pretty special gal and all. After of course putting clothes on I grabbed my backpack and walked out to see the bus right outside of my house. Convenient. I like this new world so far. I stepped into the bus and tried to find somewhere to sit. Most of the seats near the front were full, so I went more and more to the back until I ended up entirely at the back, alone. Fun. It seemed to be forever before we arrived at the school. The bus would sometimes do these little quirks and odd moves every once and a while. It felt like it was going to flip upside down at any moment. The bus finally stopped to unload my dear new fellow school goers. A large brass colored sign of metal letters were embellished across the front of the entrance to the school. Tribuo Academy. Interesting name. I was looking around for something – or rather someone to help me. But no one seemed to be quite so welcoming. Actually nobody really looked at each other. You know how sometimes you’ll be sitting in the car at a stoplight or something and your eyes will just gaze over to the person in the car next to you? Yeah. I kept doing that to everyone I saw, and yet I didn’t have to worry at all about them giving me a sudden awkward bit of eye contact because absolutely no one was looking at one another. Except for this one girl. She looked like the exact representation of every scene kid ever. Black hair, a bunch of random colors of hair extensions, too much eyeliner, weird chunky jewelry and un-justifiably bright clothing mixed with black. She just kept looking at me, staring, non-stop. I did as well, but she started it, I swear. She then began to jog directly at me, which surprised me, as nobody seemed to be looking for human contact. She smiled and introduced herself. “My name is Laci Joy Peterson, are you a new student?” “Yes, I believe so…” I replied, staring at her multiple pieces of jewelry. “Oh. OH! I have to show you around and like – give you chat ups about all the different classes here!” She shouted, grabbing my hand and dragging me inside the school. I didn’t say anything. I just looked confused and mortified that someone here, where no one even looks at each other, would ever so simply grab my hand. She gave an up and down look at me then saying, “What are you wearing?” I looked down at my outfit. “Um jeans and a t-shirt…” I replied, with a bit of anxiousness in my voice. “Oh well those jeans are a bit too tight and make you look like a slut but this is your first day so, I won’t blame you.” She said, smiling. Huh. Now I want to smack her upside the head. “Just remember if you want to wear a skirt, don’t wear one above the knees cause’ that makes you a slut and don’t wear any below the knees because then you’re a prude.” “I’m just being honest.” She smiled again. I didn’t say anything because I knew anything I was going to say would probably make her extremely upset, and she seems to be the only person that was going to help me. So I’ll take no chances. Laci guided me through the school, walking through all of the halls, and assigning me a locker. Inside the locker were textbooks and all of the stuff you’d normally expect to find in a locker. I picked up a few of the books and was about to open one of them when Laci launched her hand at me and slammed it shut. “What the hell?” I blurted out. “Why bother trying to read them, you’re going to fail anyway.” Laci scoffed in reply. Okay now I officially don’t like this world. If the only person that’s going to talk to me is an overly sassy scene kid, I’d rather not live here. “So if I’m not supposed to learn how is this place called a school?” I asked as she rolled her eyes at me. “I said don’t read, you’re still learning.” “Well what am I learning about then?” I asked with an extra tone of sassiness in my voice. “You learn what you need to so you can succeed in life.” Laci replied. Barely after she finished her sentence, the bell rung and huge groups of teenagers ran out through the hallways, again, most of them not looking at each other, except some of them maybe slightly looking at some particular people dressed similarly to them, or looking like them. “You want to know the reason why no one is looking at you or me?” Laci asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest, waiting for a response. “Um because everyone here is pre-programmed to hate me except you?” I replied sarcastically. “Because you don’t belong anywhere.” “You’re strange, Anna.” Laci answered, turning around to look at the crowd of people heading to various classes. “You’re like me.” “You don’t actually belong anywhere in certain little divided groups of people for the well being of our society, you’re just a plain old boring human with no ambition and a drive for taking no BS.” I don’t know if I should be angry, or just accept the fact that it is completely true. I am extremely boring, and very average. It’s almost embarrassing. I don’t have any super amazing talents. I mean, I can get my tongue to touch my nose but I’m pretty sure that won’t get me to a super prestigious university. I am a blend of the crowd, the person that you don’t ever look at because there is nothing to be seen. “However boring you are though, you can fake not being completely and utterly normal.” Laci said as I still stayed in complete silence. “Humans love the feeling of belonging, there’s nothing you can do about that.” “We’re so afraid of being normal that we defy the odds to hear the word ‘special’ be directed at us.” “So we must in a situation of so many kids trying to find themselves in one single building, pretend we already have found ourselves so that everything seems just fine.” “No existential crises or uninteresting normality’s in my head.” As Laci finished her little philosophical rant, I realized that bell that rung must have indicated that class is supposed to start. I don’t want to be tardy on my first day of non-opening-book school. “Shouldn’t we be getting to some sort of weird thoughtful book free class now?” I asked as Laci looked behind herself and nodded back at me. I followed Laci down the halls into a classroom that apparently was called “Life prep.” Okay then…I sat down next to Laci, and on my other side was what looked like to be some type of stereotypical hipster. Glasses, scarf, checker shirt, ripped jeans and a beanie. I repeatedly stared at her and other people in the class due to my newfound comfort in endlessly staring at people. But around the third time I looked at the hipster girl, she looked back at me. My eyes widened in surprise and she dramatically turned her head back to herself and looked down at her desk, looking as if she’d just been spotted by the cops or something. If I hadn’t met Laci, I wouldn’t have really paid attention to it, but apparently there’s some sort of important thing if someone looks at me or her; so I poked Laci and nudged my head towards the hipster girl. She nodded and looked back at the teacher who’s name was apparently Ms. Steak. HAHAHA. So hilarious! Do you get it? Miss Steak? Like Mistake? HAHAHA! See that? That’s called a sense of humor, which Ms. Steak doesn’t have sadly. She liked to intensely look at the ruler she used to smack upon the whiteboard to point at her various weird diagrams of how we’ll all fail in life if we don’t do this or that. What a lovely school this is beginning to look like. Let me mention a few of her inspiring quotes she gave to us during class. “The aspect of a married life is ideal, find a mate, land them down and use their money to your advantage, ladies.” Oh it gets better. “In order to impress your future mates, boys should be slightly aggressive towards their ideal woman in order to insure the woman is impressed with the boy’s masculinity.” I can faithfully tell you that Ms. Steak is the most brilliant teacher I’ve ever had. Next class was Finance and Economics, sounds like a perfectly normal class, right? No. It wasn’t normal at all. “Just do whatever the bills tell you to do, get your parents to do your taxes and screw the big man, class dismissed.” That was literally all the ‘teacher’ said before grabbing his briefcase, and exiting the classroom. After he left, everyone in the classroom stood up from their desks and flooded into the hallways. Everything was so robot-like. Everyone seems so pre-programmed. Every time a class ended, everyone would shuffle into the halls, chat for a few minutes or be on their phones, then the bell rings again, and off they go. It’s kind of uncomfortable being the only one that has no idea how this whole routine thing works. In between one class, as Laci and I were walking through the halls, I spotted the hipster girl again, and we both looked at each other. I smiled at her and she smiled back. As soon as the edges of her lips rose up just the slightest bit, Her two hipster friends standing next to her looked at her, eyes extremely widened and creepy looking. I backed away a bit until Laci grabbed my wrist and stopped me from moving. The hipster girl slowly backed up away from the weirdos before she stopped completely and looked at me again. The both of us just stood there for a moment, time frozen behind us, looking at one another. The absolute genuine fear in her eyes from her fellow hipsters or whatever was very saddening. The girl looked back at the creepers. Slowly, she backed away some more. And more. A little more. She looked back at me one more time before pretty much somersaulting into my arms. I wasn’t going to deny her access to my soft spot of lovely hugs because the poor girl had been stared at by demented hipster folk for some time now and I wasn’t going to be rude and reject her hug. She held onto me as I shuffled away with Laci from the creepy hipsters and into the next hallway. “Thanks.” I heard her murmur. “I really didn’t do anything you know.” I replied subtlety trying to get her to detach her arms from me. She finally let go of me and actually introduced herself. “Amelia, my name is Amelia.” I just nodded and didn’t say anything before I realized that it must be my turn to say my name, not in fact Laci’s, as she was just standing there looking at me, as if she was giving me a signal. “Uh Anna, my name is Anna.” I said awkwardly and just waited for Laci to speak. “And I’m Laci.” “Amelia you’re alright now, you know you’re free to search now.” Amelia smiled, nodded, and then just walked away. What. On. Ear- well it might not be Earth, it’s an alternate universe so it must be called like Htrae or something. Yeah. What on Htrae is going on right now? So I just saved some random fake hipster girl from her demented hipster ‘friends’, she introduces herself, and then Laci just says, “Okay you can go do some soul searching now; be free little bird!” This universe is absurdly illogical. Laci and I eventually started to make our ways to the next class until I spotted Kristen. Yes. Kristen. Kristen René Wilson, my beautiful, constantly between the stages of depression and bubbly anger, best friend for life was right here. In my strange little world of Tribuo Academy. We didn’t look at one another though. She was just walking. Completely covered up in a grey hoodie and jeans. I should also mention she wasn’t wearing any make up. Very odd but so peaceful Kristen looked as she just walked right by me. I did a complete 180 degree turn around to stare at her as she walked past. Without even thinking about all of those weird social rules Laci told me about, I shouted “KRISTEN!” Laci looked at me like I had just committed a felony and Kristen? She turned around. Not looking at me of course, she just said, “Who are you?” “Kristen, it’s Anna.” I tried to reach out to touch her shoulder and look at her, so maybe then she’d recognize me…I don’t know. Kristen didn’t say anything else other than “Sorry, please leave me alone.” Before she practically ran away from Laci and I.
Okay, screw all of these weird rules.
I need to talk to Kristen.
Even if it’s just alternate planet Htrae Kristen, I don’t care.
I need to talk to her.
Photography, memoirs, random thoughts.
art and practice
Small excerpts and bytes from my life, thoughts and reviews
This is me.
My writing from the past, present and future
This is My mind projected onto the internet.
A great WordPress.com site